afraid I have waited too long #5

[nit84]

Zew, You just touched on some of my exact feelings with your response to Wonka.

That might be why I am fighting so hard now while we are still M.

If we get D my W gets money that was supposed to be for both of us in our retirement years. If she gets what she wants.

She probably cashes in the money, pays the taxes and puts a down payment on a house. All great things to start over with.

Not my fight but my W has been trying to get OM a job for about 5 months now.

This is a possible scenario as I see it.

We D and W does what as I said above. She moves in OM with no job but supports him for awhile. All the sudden she loses her job and without any income loses the house and probably OM. Tries to come back to me and I say nope then I am the bad guy. I never loved her and if I did I would take her back.

Only Problem she had an A, we D not by my choosing, and SHE squandered half if not more of our Savings. Easy to get resentful even if I have become a man only a fool would leave.

That is why I struggle with this, not because I cant live without my W but because I don't want to be that person who cant forgive a person I love with all my heart.

Then she will feel the Consequences but so what at that point. She may have already hawked the Engagement ring, I don't know this for sure but that would hurt and certainly smell of someone who is greedier than normal.

I also thought of this and know I can't do anything about it. What if the reason my W doesn't want any type of counseling, whether it be MC or IC is because it bothers her what she may find out. Throughout our M she would mention "maybe I need to see somebody" I told her if that is what she thought then I support her. She was in counseling when she was younger, 12 yrs old, after her Father passed away suddenly in front of her.

When I brought up MC before the S she would say ok then no then ok than no. After the S I started IMC and asked her after about 4 session if she would go. She said no she doesn't think counseling works for anybody let alone us. I never asked again.

In a conversation back in July we were heatedly discussing the possible A and I mentioned that some people(this is the true people have asked) and my L asked if I thought my W was mentally stable. I told her I told them I did think she was mentally stable( I believed it at the time, not so sure now). I then said some even asked if you were Bi-Polar, She went through the roof mad. I calmed her down and said I didn't think that was the case.

Not saying IC or MC for my W saves our M but it would help her out down the line in her new life. I don't want bad things to happen to my W if we D. I just want her to make sure that is truly how she feels before we ink the paper. That way it lessens the possibility of bad things happening to her and her turning back my way for help.

I help people in need that has always been my way and it would be extremely difficult to turn away the person who I love more than anything but myself if she needed it.

I guess what I am trying to say is if we D, It will make things much easier if good things happen to my W rather than bad for my sanity and well being.