Separated about a month, now what?

[gan]

Hi Zelda, Sorry that you are going through this. It's tough, isn't it? Keep posting and reading here. There are many fine folk who are going through/have been through similar situations and can provide some insights and alternative points of view.

I relate to a lot of your story (and Calibri's). Card and Calibri have covered the basics. The additional thing I wanted to add is to focus on YOU. How are YOU doing through all this? A month into separation and I was still struggling to eat and sleep and I swear gravity was just too difficult to fight some days. First things first, do what it takes to get YOU on track. Be kind to yourself, pamper yourself, do things to make you feel food. Start from this place. I've committed to yoga and daily mindfulness practice as ways to try to keep me a little more grounded, and find that they are working well for me.

In terms of listening - that was something my H said to me as well, and like you I used to get PO at the fact that he accused me of this when I knew I *was listening* (I could repeat back what he said). 6 months down the track - and lots of reading and reflection later - I realize the issue was that I wasn't hearing what he was trying to say. I'm really trying to curb my tendency to respond with my opinion or how I feel about a situation and rather acknowledge and validate what he is saying. Unfortunately I don't see him much so it's hard to practice. Anyway, not sure if this is an issue for you. I just wondered if by posting this it might help bring a different perspective to you. If so, there is a good validation cheat sheet on these boards. The book "Non violent communication" is also pretty good.