Maybell XXV: Moving Toward the Lighthouse

[Maybell]

Thank you, Yoda.

Here's a question... all three kids had belt tests last Saturday but S6 was sick and had to miss it. On Monday I scheduled his make up for tonight, and told H about it so he could make time for it.

H skipped it. Sent me a text saying he wasn't going to make it and asking me to let S6 know he was thinking of him and loved him. Asked me to send pictures or video.

I'm nice, I sent the video. S6 ROCKED it -- an amazing board break like he hardly ever does. It was awesome, and I'm pleased I got it on video.

H texted back, wow, that was great, please tell him how proud I am of him.

Is it too much to expect the dude would NOT delegate his relationship with his children to me?

Clearly it is.

I try to praise the 1% of effort he does make. But he seems to think parenting by proxy and only on his scheduled nights is sufficient.

If I need to seriously just LET IT GO then say so. It hurts to see him treat them that way but I will just accept him as is and quit worrying about it if that's what I must do.

I know intellectually it is. I know letting myself be disappointed by him that way is just me having expectations. But what should I do? Should I accept the tasks of telling my kids their dad is thinking of them? Should I say "Hey, tell him yourself?"

They all have means of communicating with him. Even if he said "This text is for S6, please share it with him" that would be something.

I guess it's just an expectation I have. He was so critical of my parents' lack of interest in me -- often said of my dad, "I can't imagine not wanting to talk to D11." And yet here he is.

HIS PROBLEM, not mine. But I need insight on constructive ways to respond to him.