Hi Calibri, this is like you say, a whole lot of similarities with us and our sits.
I started going to IC about a year ago for anger and got some of the best advice - all that anger is a bandage for a lot of hurt. As a little kid it's effective coping, the cognitive distance, withdrawal, all that fun stuff that makes us the strong women we are...but that sword has a double edge to it. I'm working on mine, learning (trying to) see that being soft and open is its own kind of strength. To trust and be vulnerable, not just when I'm hysterically crying.
I really appreciate you reaching out to me. Sorry about all of the grief you're going through.
It's funny to read my own post and imagine someone else wrote it - it seems so obvious, the meds, the people issues, the temper (though my H made great strides on controlling his over last several years when I told him how much it bothered me), the red flags are all over. And I know I would read this stuff normally like, "get the @#$% out of there, you deserve to be with someone healthy, you're not a savior." But I don't believe in throwing people away as long as they're willing to work.
The peace may be in reminding myself constantly that his decision to work is something I may be able to influence, (and I've always been the cheerleader for this relationship) but even if I could do and say all the perfect things, or not do and say any of them - for this to be a better relationship, he will have to make the decision to be here, all by himself and stand by it, otherwise we'll end up here again. I mean, getting back the same mess that's been sucking my soul out all year is not what I want.
If you find that Detaching for Dummies book, let me know.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
