Welcome aboard. Your W really sounds as if she's a hot mess right now. She is digging her way down deeper, apparently. You will get a lot of support here if you will post often (like every day at first).
Have you read Divorce Remedy? Very important. Some people try to by- pass the book and take the board as their short-cut, but you won't understand completely unless you read the book.
You seem as if you are not trying to rescue your W. That is good! She has to experience life without you, b/c she chose to leave the life she had with you. BTW, did you ask her to leave, or did you leave? Any details will help us.
A WAW may try to be "friends" on her terms, but her definition and her H's definition are completely opposite. She wants you to be her gay boyfriend (popular these days), while you are hoping the friendship will lead to working things out.
It is extremely difficult to go dark when you are co-parenting. There is a difference in pulling back and going completely dark. Completely dark is falling off the face of the earth (as far as she knows).
Learn about healthy emotional detaching in relationships. You will need it. Many people who first come here are mistaken about real detaching.
Take care of yourself. You are going through a crises and it is easy to get down physically and in all other ways. Don't think of it being selfish if you put yourself first at this time. It is necessary.
Make short term goals about how you want to make improvements for yourself. How can you be a better "you"?
Don't waste this time. While she is working through her stuff, you grow.....really grow as a person. Read self-help, inspirational, spiritual, etc. Exercise is recommended b/c of the benefits physically and mentally.
A very important must for you is to "get a life" (GAL) that does not include your W. Find activities, hobbies, social events, volunteering, sports, whatever.....and keep that calendar full. GAL is essential to truly detaching from her drama.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
