Doing the limbo thing (thread 7)

[shodan]

Indigo/Starsky...thank you for your feedback.

We went to MC today and very quickly got into the trust issues. I played a good middle ground, validating my W's feelings and everything that she has said to date and said during the session. The MC said we need to figure out the trust issue or our M will not survive. The MC gave me a lot of time to tell my W how hurt I was by her actions, why I feel the way that I do and why I need to know (at a minimum) that things are over with the OM.

My W swore that things were done with him and cried and apologized for hurting me. She then tried to explain why she has struggled with doing the transparency stuff. In her words, it has nothing to do with the OM. She is committed to our M and wants it to work. But she has been struggling for years with my control issues. Note, she told me about these issues this past summer and most were unknown to me but I have been working on them since. A lot of her issues also are her own issues, meaning she never voiced her opinion about issues but then would hold it against me.

I know you will say that this is the broken record of all WAWs. But I could sense today we made a small break through.

The MC also explained to my W what I am going through. Specifically, that the trauma that I (and many of you) went through has caused me to have PTSD. One minute I am fine, the next minute I am in pain, sad, emotional, etc. I think this may have been the first time that my W heard from someone about how the LBS feels. My W has not read a single article or book on this (not her style). So until now, I think she still has focused on her feelings, while recognizing my feelings. After the session, she had a much better sense for my needs and of my feelings.

Thanks again to everyone for the help.