My story of WAH

[seaspin]

I didn't send the email and just left things as is.

I'm not sure what's up, but H has been on my mind alot. Before the holidays, I thought I did well not thinking about him or wondering what he was doing. I don't know if the mention of moving forward was the catalyst, the holidays, or what... It doesn't help that recently I've had quite a few good dreams of us getting back together. Although, there was one time where that good dream was shattered when he said the words "I don't think I want to be married". Even in a dream, I still felt the coldness from it.

Anyway, my mind keeps wandering to the good times and thinking of all the activities I'd love to do with him.

Last night when he picked up the kids, I was dressed up and looking like I had a party to go to, even if I didn't. I figured I can use the holidays as a great excuse to dress up and it not seem too odd of feel fake. My shirt was a little low cut and I did see H's eyes quickly avert from my shirt to my eyes and focus intently there for a bit. I'm not totally sure of the effect. I tried to look at his pupils, but he wasn't standing close enough and his glasses can hinder what I see. My DB coach mentioned pupil dilation as a sign of interest.

Anyway, I've been reading a book that was suggested on here about body language. His body language seemed to suggest he was closed off. Not sure what to think, just noting it.

The evening was a little weird. Normally, H parks in the driveway and he knocks on the front door (per my suggestion). This night, he came in through the garage door (he knows the garage code still). Just walked right in and said "Hello!". Given, he uses my car in the garage because it fits 3 kids and he was just at the grocery store and had to put the groceries in the van when changing cars. However, he usually still comes through the front door. Also, after dropping off the kids, he walked back out through the garage to his car. Normally, he goes out the front door. I'm not saying it means anything. Just noting something odd.

Prior to picking up the kids, he had just come from the airport arriving home from OW town. I know he had a Christmas party the night before. He looked rather tired.

Overall, I think I did pretty well. Nothing confrontational happened. Although, H did mention needing $ passively in a conversation, but didn't elaborate. Didn't look at me when mentioning it.