About the only thing that bugs me now is. Does my W think that it has been too long since we S to go back and attempt to R?
Has too much water gone under bridge, too much legal stuff? Is she afraid if she comes back that my family or her family will treat her different?
Nit, this is all unknowable, and it is keeping you spinning instead of moving forward. I used to wonder the same thing, but I don't anymore. I reason that I know my W can be very determined. If she wants something, she will fight to get it. I also know that if she isn't fully committed, I simply don't want to take on the risk. And so now I rarely think about it. She will either come back full force, or the wheels of D will churn and spit us out the back end. Either way, I'm ahead. I end up with someone who is all in, or decidedly out. If she doesn't come back, the whole process will have taken about 2 years by the time it's over, and I think that's a generous amount of time to give someone to figure out their stuff.
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I will fine if we D, I just don't want it to come to that.
I just don't know how to get it across to her that all that stuff can be taken care of or will take care of itself.
Any attempt I make at this will be considered pursuing or neediness.
You're saying the right words, but you aren't convincing me that you've accepted them.
Nobody wants the D (at least initially). You can't stop it. So stop dwelling on it not being what you want. Figure out what you will be doing if it does happen, and move in that direction today. If she stops the D, it's all upside.
And you can't get anything across to her. She has to figure this out on her own. She will or she won't. And you want her to figure it out on her own. The last thing you want is a rescue W, unsure of whether she's coming or going. She's going to make her determination based on what she sees, nit. Show her a confident man, moving in a straight line, who seems to be getting farther away.
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I had what I thought was a fair proposal in response to my W offer.
Apparently, her L and her don't think so because they said they will wait till the (their) 2 year S date and go to court. so they don't want to negotiate any more until then.
If my W wanted D so bad the only reason they wont negotiate has to be because it is a money thing to her L and/or her.
As I understand your state correctly, she has no grounds for D, so if you don't agree to a "mutual consent" D, she pretty much has to wait out the 2 years. That means 2 years of you not giving her grounds. If she isn't in immediate need of the settlement, and the S isn't affecting her carefree lifestyle, it's a strategy to make you want to negotiate a bad deal to get your freedom sooner. Or she runs out the clock because it doesn't impact her at all.
Remember too that the strategy is likely being driven by her L, who is obligated to look out for her financial interests, not you, your feelings or your M. You can't blame a shark for being a shark.
And all that stuff about your financial plan. Just stow it. She doesn't care. It doesn't matter to her. (It may later when it's gone, but she's not there yet.)
Nit, you are still letting your W completely control your life, and it's making you miserable. Break the pattern.
