afraid I have waited too long #5

[nit84]

Zew,

The only thing I was thinking to do next is to send a Merry Christmas email and then a Happy New Year's one. Wonka suggested this.

I was going to send her family Christmas cards like I did last year but I have decided against this.

Then the only other thing is we have a spousal support modification hearing in early Jan to hopefully lower my monthly payments due to changes in circumstances since the original hearing. These are so adversarial, That I fear it will put any progress that was made in danger.


About the only thing that bugs me now is. Does my W think that it has been too long since we S to go back and attempt to R?

Has too much water gone under bridge, too much legal stuff? Is she afraid if she comes back that my family or her family will treat her different?


Maybe she doesn't feel this way at all and it is just me wanting her back that is causing me to not be able to let this go.

I will fine if we D, I just don't want it to come to that.

I just don't know how to get it across to her that all that stuff can be taken care of or will take care of itself.

Any attempt I make at this will be considered pursuing or neediness.

My W and I have had only 2 face to face meetings in 3 months since she moved out.

She emailed me 2 times and I responded both times. I emailed her 2 times and she responded once.

I know there is nothing that can be done about this abundance of no contact but it still stinks.

The reason I think there is little contact is because my W doesn't trust me when it comes to the financial settlement. Unless it isn't a matter of that all and she is just trying to take me to the cleaners.

I had what I thought was a fair proposal in response to my W offer.

Appearantly, her L and her don't think so because they said they will wait till the (their) 2 year S date and go to court. so they don't want to negotiate any more until then.

If my W wanted D so bad the only reason they wont negotiate has to be because it is a money thing to her L and/or her.

My proposal basically said I would refinance the house assume all my W debt and give her 50% of our retirement. Property would be split how we saw fit but my W has already taken things that I didn't get a chance to discuss if I wanted or not including our Cat.

There is resentment about the house because although she has no interest in wanting it, she never thought that our financial plan from 5 years ago would ever be possible but now it is and she mad because she says you should have refinanced this 3 years ago.

I explained her that we tried and it wasn't possible at that time due to debt to equity ratios.

My W then said "Well if you refinance the house it makes it easier to keep".

I said "You asked me to see if indeed I could be eligible to refinance so I went and found out I could and now I am sorry that upsets you."

Everything my W and I discussed financially 5 years is now possible and if she hadn't jumped ship or at least tried to work on the M instead of finding OM, we would be in a great financial position now.

All the other problems we had needed to be fixed so I understand why she thought she had no other choice but to leave the M but She was already "done" and when all this financial stuff and my changes appeared it has made her mad. she said "Why do all this stuff now?" I validated her but it made her mad.

I can't say that she has regretted the way she has handled things but sometimes I wonder.