How to start rebuilding? - 2

[Hoju]

Thanks for the reply Jim, it's been quite awhile since I've evaluated my progress and reviewed my flaws and 180s.

A very large part of our problems was my video game addiction. I never realized I had an addiction until I lost my W. I had a good job, loving family, a very nice house, money in the bank, loads of friends, beautiful wife and played dozen of sports, how could I possibly have an addiction? Only junkies without real lives have addictions, mine was nothing more then a hobby. Now looking back I can't believe I didn't see just how highly rated games were on my life tree and because of that how badly I treated my W and neglected her feelings, she was a real trooper to hang on as long as she did. She went to bed alone pretty much every night because I would stay up playing, I would turn her down for sex if it was going to interrupt my game time, I made her wait if she wanted to talk about something until I was finished, I was a pain in the ass every time she wanted to go somewhere, I even choose to play games when she got stuck in a snow bank and needed my help.

My 180 for most of this have been easy, I simply just quit playing video games the same day W told me she was done. I wiped my computer, joined an online gaming addiction forum for support, confessed to my W that I had a problem and was seeking help and I started seeing an IC. I've filled my time with more productive hobbies like learning french, working out, more closely managing my stock portfolio and reading.

Without video games I've become a "yes" man, games made me say no or be difficult if i had to do things that would take away from game time. Being a yes man has given me plenty of great stories to tell and many new friends. It was tough at first, I remember my head screaming why are you doing this? I remember the fear of the unknown, but I would get through it and saying yes is becoming more natural now and I'm learning to accept the fear with the excitement of not knowing how a night will turn out.

Another problem was I stopped being a good person. I felt the world owed me because of my fertility issues and my dad leaving. I was spiteful and negative and my W would feed off of that being a naturally negative person herself. I've been trying to always stay positive and help people. I began regularly donating blood, I helped a friend paint and another friend hang some shelves and pictures, I even filled a coworkers windshield washer fluid on my lunch because she didn't know how. I've accepted that the world doesn't owe me anything and my choices are my own (my IC has helped a lot with this), life isn't always easy but it's very important to keep smiling and hold your head high.

W would also complain that I wasn't there for her and that she would go to anyone for support rather then me. I've just tried to validate her concerns and listen to her feelings when she speaks. She was very emotional over the sale of our home and I just tried to make sure I was there as a friend to listen and offer comfort.

I probably don't deserve a second chance with my W and I'm ok with that, I'm living with my actions and moving forward as a better person. I do however remain hopeful that one day she will come around and want to work on us.