So they have walked away and they feel enormous guilt for that and don’t dare face that, after all they have been wracked with guilt for so long about so many things (in their head they are a failure after all) that they don’t want to face it anymore
If they are chased it just reminds them how much hurt they have caused and they can’t bare the guilt If they aren’t chased then its proof they were never really loved in the first place If they are told they are forgiven they don’t believe it as there is no way someone could forgive them for all they’ve done and they have proved how awful they are If the LBS improves their life (DB) then its proof that that the LBS is better off without them.
At some point down the line they will start to realise that they still aren’t happy and start to think one of the following
1) LA LA LA LA LA I’m not listening, i don’t want to think about this LA LA LA LA 2) This is all the LBS’ fault – I hate them and never want to see them again 3) This is all the LBS’ fault – I want to make them as miserable as me so they know how I feel 4) This is my fault but this is better for everyone 5) I’ve made a mistake but it is all LBS’ fault and they need to make it up to me 6) This is my fault and I’ve made a terrible mistake but I’ve done so much damage there is no way I could undo this. I’m not worth it and/or i don’t know how and/or its too hard. 7) This is my fault and I’ve made a terrible mistake and i will do whatever it takes to undo that mistake
Over time they may change their mind and switch from one to other but as has been said so many times it takes two to make a relationship work and only one to destroy it, and for some if they ever reach 7 they might find it’s too late.
Jim, you wrote this on GoatGal's thread, and it really speaks to me. You seem to get the MLC thing pretty well. So I read your thread. No surprise - like many of us, you are lucid on other's threads yet in your own sitch, things are much more complicated, because then it's personal. If you are still ruminating about whether to expose, from my experience, I'd advise against. If you want to run some ideas, i'll engage, if it will help.
