Yes, Ggrass, you are right, it's all what I can do right now. It hasn't been easy with almost NC, just Kids stuff.
But, sometimes I actually enjoy. I am such a mess lately, and it's not literally. People say I am doing very well for someone that is going through this difficult time.
I really don't know what to feel anymore. I am not very persistent when it comes to love and friendship. Have been always like this. If someone does not like me you can be sure I am out of that person's way.
I just disconnect, don't make it important for me. My IC said that it is some kind of defense mechanism I develop since I was a kid. Probably learned from the times people hurt me.
Sometimes I am very afraid I will forget my H too, I will just let go and he won't mean anything for me anymore.
I know we need to detach, but in my case I end up detaching forever. I want to be with him again, recover my M and my family, but I don't know if I can.
I keep thinking that if he was able to tell me that he has feelings for someone else and just that makes me think that he can go and live his life with someone better then me, maybe more attractive, better job, better this and better that.
Then next thing I know I moved on. The only difference is that it is my H for 18 years and we had a family together.
Ohhh...Gosh... maybe I shouldn't fight, just let it happen.
I hope things get a little better between us both, I don't know. Nobody knows.
