Shakspr #5: I fear and hope, I burn and freeze

[Shakspr]

She is confiding to D22; D22 is done with that now that she's spilled her guts to me. No idea what other women (including her Aunt - surrogate Mom) know or are saying.

I have had the children one evening (last night) since they met him. They didn't mention it. SS15 has known longer, hasn't mentioned it. I doubt they were sworn to silence, but who knows at this point. If I was in that spot (SS15) I'd be setting the whole thing on fire. But he retreats into his online persona of EDM music mixer and Android programmer. We talk, but he is withdrawn anyway; that's why I can't really tell a difference unless he is obviously hurting.

It's not even primal at this point. Hell, 15 years ago, I was filling the same role as boxing guy is now. Granted, she had been divorced 4 months and separated a year and a half before I met her kids then. Aren't we supposed to learn from our past? She seems content to repeat it, and wonder why she keeps getting the same result.

I know from your thread, rali, that you are separating. I hope that goes relatively well. Your children are so young! They probably won't remember a time when Mom and Dad were together...I don't know what's worse, that, or mine, who will always remember being a whole family. BOTH SITUATIONS MAKE ME CRY.

I hate everything about this. I am as close to being completely broken as I ever will be. I can at least take solace in that.

I'm pretty handy with a chainsaw, but Northern Cali is a long ways away. I hope that project is fun for you when it comes to fruition.