afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

Thanks NAJ,

It went ok, About what I expected I said Hi to everybody they were nice.

I turned around and my W was over a bit from me and I saw her I waved first then she waved back. I said hello to my MIL as she was walking away she said Hi to me and that was the extent of it.

Had a good time with the people I sat with. They know the deal and I didn't say anything bad about my W or MIL I cracked a few jokes amongst us that were funny but they were related to my issues so everybody knew who it was about. I wasn't mean just trying to break the tension. one daughter at the table asked quietly if we were still living together and I said no and said to her I thought you knew because I told your mom. She said she didn't and it must be a big secret. I said that's fine. I then said please don't tell my W I told you. She said she wouldn't but did say it was great that I was in IMC and she thinks I am a great guy and my W should be going with me. I looked at her and said it is up to my W if she wants to come I asked once and wont do it again

My W then hit the 50/50 Raffle and she wouldn't look at me as she went to get the money. Someone at the table said hey you get half write that down. I said I should ask her to buy me a water we chuckled and then I said my good byes as my W was calling number on the Chinese Auction. Was close to her when I left not sure if she saw me or not doesn't matter.

I didn't look at my W as much as I thought I would but when I did it hurt my heart. I still love her. I held it together at the club but now that I am home I am pretty down. Wondering if the jokes I told were bad, wondering what was said to the one person sitting at our table I didn't know. I think someone caught her up to speed that I may or I am getting a D not sure. I tried to be quiet but The 50/50 remarks not made by me I think had her puzzled. I can't control what others say or do so I have to let that go.

These people all know I love my W and would like nothing better than to see us work though this and R so I am comfortable with how the night went.