Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[HPoirot]

Thank you so much Pink for your very very kind words. It means a lot that good people here say I'm a good person and a good dad. Sometimes when I'm dealing with my W I feel like a hard man. Even so, I'm trying really hard for my son. He came home just now so sad.

I knew he would have some extra stuff to carry so I figured my W would come with him up the elevator. I met them there. She looked tired and stressed. I figured she would b/c she spent hours with s11 tonight and would have seen him sad. Also that she was expecting to see me and I'm not looking happy to see her these days. Once again, I did not look friendly. I have an emotional wall against her now and I know I'm looking at her very critically. I'm angry about what she's doing. I'm angry that my son is sad.

She handed me his bag without a greeting (I didn't greet her either) and we talked briefly about S11. She wanted to drop him off with me tomorrow evening to finish his project... then pick him up later that night to stay with her overnight. I said to let's let me stay the night with me (as we already agreed) and she could take him to school on Friday and take him to stay with her from there. She then asked S11 what he wanted to do. I struggled to keep my fury in check. He mumbled something. She asked to talk with S11 alone and I left them.

S11 came into the condo a little later. Very down. W then called me and I answered. She said "he seems sad." I fought not to yell at her and tell her how horrible all this is on him. She asked about logistics tomorrow, about his tuition she would have to pay, and the tax payments she would have to pay. She complained how she trying to find an apartment and a car and about her money. She talked about how he had a good bball practice. I cut the call short, thanked her, and hung up. She sounded sad as I closed the call.

I asked s11 anout his day. S11 told me W took him to our old home where he watched TV before she drove him back out here for practice. He said that they didn't really talk. He told me how sad and stressed he feels about his family and his school project. I asked if he talked about his feelings with his mom. He said no b/c he doesn't want her to worry. I encouraged him that he can talk her as he's been talking to me. I said he should talk with his mom about his feelings. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Still, W just called me again and I answered. I shouldn't have. She was sounding buddy buddy again. Talking about she just picked up her aunt's little Christmas tree for the condo and would drop it off tomorrow with some extra ornaments as we don't have a tree yet. I said whatever she wants to do is fine. She asked if S11 was any better. I said no he's not any better. She said please ask him to call her before he goes to bed. She said his ringer is off so he doesn't answer when she calls. I have not told her he sometimes doesn't answer her calls. I said I would and said goodbye and hung up on her.

Really time to stop showing her even a trace of my anger. Time just to stop being angry. This is her mess and I'm just going to start consistently being happy for my boy. He sees I can barely stand to be around my W right now. I'm not helping myself if there's any chance for an R here.

Wow she's calling me again...