Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[HPoirot]

Yes thank you adinva, sandi, and everyone. You're right I can only control how I react to her contacting me. I cannot control when... and now how... she contacts me...

I saw a call from my W and then immediately from S11 just now. He's out with him mom all evening since school for his bball practice. I think it's good for her to get time with him to see how he's really doing and to keep her calm. (Also, while he was out with her, I did not contact her to ask how he was doing to show her how that's done.)

So, I called S11 back and my W answered. She used his phone to get me to talk. Says with a tone she's upset with me b/c I haven't answered my phone or responded to her texts like she expects. I took the opportunity to calmly tell her to leave a VM or text with details when she needs to reach me and I would get back to her. Then we agreed to where he would sleep tomorrow night (with me) so he can get his science project done. I noted my tone of voice had a little displeasure and impatience in it. I'm not helping myself with that. Remembering to talk to her like a neighbor.

So yes seriously I need to get back to focusing on my growth again. This first week has been rough but I made it that way by focusing again too much on her and her calling/texting. It's good to know I can change that by changing my focus and getting back to my PMA discipline.

I see I can't keep her from being angry with me as I continue on this path of limited contact. I admit it would be nice to see her soften and respect my contact boundary more often. Like when she was acting mostly nice and transparent our last few weeks living together.

I know that's a long way from today, though. We're not screaming at each other b/c I'm not rising to her challenges. But I feel we're so against each other. If I think about it, which I should not, I find that discouraging.

I don't want to be like this with her. But I do see how my actions are training her how to treat me right. They worked to get her to stop her overnights and lying while me and s11 were still in the house. They worked to get me and s11 here to the condo peacefully after her screaming and threats. My actions will work again to teach her to communicate respectfully.

She knows she's wrong and she's learning how to behave again b/c I'm not folding when she misbehaves. She asks me about every step we take with S11 and finances and nothing she has tried has made me budge since I turned this around.

Just now have to get back to rebuilding my mojo and to really not care about her bad choices when I speak or meet with her. Time to make some wins for myself.

S11 will be with her this weekend. I'll go to the gym to swim some laps and lift some iron. I'll start working on my business again. Plan at least one fun GAL with S11 for next week. Maybe rock climbing. I'll be back again even stronger and I'll do it quick too.

Feeling better right now. S11 will be home in 45 minutes. I'm washing clothes and will iron his school uniform. Clean up the kitchen. Make the condo nice and calm and comfy for both of us. Just keep going.

Onward.