Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

Ok so no is the consensus.

Something you said vanilla really sparked a train of thought

If W looses her job that will cause big problems wont it?

My reaction was 'it's only a problem for me if she comes back'

And that's because if she lost her job I would have proof of the adultery which would swing all the proceedings in my favour and it would teach her a lesson. But that's actually a really vindictive thought

I then unpicked that
- my disregard for her hurt is because I'm hurting
- I'm hurting because she picked him over me which is because I'm angry.
- I'm angry because I don't feel she tried to make us work
- I'm angry I won't get to see my kids
- and I'm back to my fear of being alone.

So this is all the negative emotions.

If I try and come from a place of love instead I get wanting her to be happy regardless but that conflicts massively with my selfish position of wanting her back and wanting to save the marriage.

Having said that they are using company (public) money to pay for their little rendezvous' so if it does come out they could be in quite a bit of trouble.