I think she is absolutely using S11 as her excuse to contact.
You've heard some of us talk about how the WAW in an A should feel remorse, etc. In the case with your W, it does not seem that difficult for her to apologize, as she has done this from time to time. However, this is not the same as what we have referred to as her remorse...enough to want to R. I just wanted to clarify, in case you were hung up over her saying she was sorry for ruining your lives. In other words, it does not mean she is at the point of wanting to dump OM and make amends in her M. She is not giving a sign of wanting to R.
The difference is, she is still reacting out of a lot of emotions and she's still manipulating. Okay, I've already stated that much. So let me add this, the first step to watch for, IMO, is when she backs down and gets quite and starts respecting your boundaries. When she stop with the control BS. When she STFU and starts thinking about what she has done. When she begins to approach you softly, instead of demanding. I would look for those signs before expecting her to approach you with what it would take to reconcile. JMHO.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
