I got 99 problems but an MLCer ain't one!

[daring]

Interesting thing happened a couple evenings ago after tax hearing. I was looking through my accounts to see how much was in there and what was left to be paid. I see a ton of PayPal withdrawals that added up to a little over $1000. I called H to check on it b/c I don't have a Paypal, only him and the kids. He looked and it turns out it was his travel tickets for upcoming interview and consulting trip.
First he said it will be reimbursed. I said you need to tell me when you do these things I'm keeping a tight budget with IRS payback in front of us. He said you're right, I didn't realize my paypal wasinked to that account I'll change it. I said thank you. He asked if I felt better after IRS hearing and I said a little but still have to come up with a chit ton of money every month. He said I know I will help. Then he asked about my mom. After filling him in I ended the call.

He started traveling yesterday and I haven't spoken with him. But last night and this morning I'm in a weird place. One I have somewhat been in before but much more definitive. Maybe I am hitting a better phase of detachment, I don't know. I certainly have had incredibly emotional months recently.

So to elaborate- I felt this morning that I really need to get this crap with H over and done with. I imagine saying to him that I don't want a D, I don't agree with a D, but if he's having papers drawn up that's what he wants at the moment and if so lets get it done and move on. I'm not thinking I wouldn't consider an R in the future with him, but I just feel like between the IRS stuff, and my moms situation ( probably long term skilled nursing facility), I feel like this D is hanging over my head. And we haven't separated our accounts or bills or anything else yet. He rarely does something like he did with the PayPal thing so I haven't been in a rush to do it. But I just feel like Im being dragged down by this looming process.

I won't say or do anything yet- I'll sit with it a but first. I can always start working on transferring some bills and automatic payments into another account.

GAL tonight- office Christmas party- hope it will help my mood!!!