Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

Thanks

i do know its not advised and ive read the section a few times i suppose i just dont like it.

Im slightly obsessing about this idea that OM can be spooked and that if the A is over then that gives me more chance, even though I know my W has actually just pursued OM2 etc. In the time OM1 was 'unsure'. Its as irrational as she is. I even crafted what I would say.

To me worst cases are that either/both
A) he takes it as a prod to get serious and/or
B) W sees it as more controlling behaviour (which it is, but its also not just standing by and watching my marriage end which is what it feels like I'm doing)

And actually are these any worse than my current situation?

Best case is that he runs a mile and my W doesn't blame me

I think that my first Christmas without the kids is next week and that their R is picking up significantly (w in really good mood this morning after their date last night \o/) have both got me really unhappy about the whole situation. My last post about timelines and my experience tells me that their relationship is likely to be long. He's taking it slow.

I read the progress elsewhere and just feel I'm being too passive (NC is what she wants) especially when my passivity was part of her complaints. Feel like I want to do something. After 3 months (1 for each year of marriage) she is further away than ever.

I'm still very controlled by emotions and fears, even if I'm doing a better job of recognising and understanding them.