Thank you Wonka and Georgia, To answer your questions Wonka, the company I worked for went out of business very unexpectedly. I could have gone and worked for some other company in the same field but after talking it over with my W and making sure she knew it would mean a few years of less money and that her salary would be our main source of income until things got stable, decided to start this business with some colleagues. Since then I have looked into some of the places that I would have tried back then and they just aren't hiring. In fact, they are cutting back. As for the lawyer, he was paid a flat fee and I can't afford to start over with a new one and the expense that would bring.
Georgia, thanks for the kind thoughts. I didn't get to see my D today as she was with her mother. We did celebrate with her sister this weekend and had fun. She also called me tonight and we spoke. She knows I miss her and how much I care, knows that she means more to me than I can ever say. Of this I am certain. I will say that I am proud of both my girls and how they are weathering the whole sitch. They are very unhappy with their mother, much more than she seems to think but both are getting on with their lives as best as they can. Changing in ways they never expected to need to. My D (now 15!) is getting all "A's" at the public school where the classes aren't as advanced, learning how to make new friends with new and different kinds of people than she has known before. My D19 is working as many hours as she can, learning fast how to live on her own. I do wish I could help her more than I have been able with money but she also knows I will always be there when she needs me and I will do all in my power for her. They both have lost much of their innocence but they also have for the last few years since their mother started her MLC, had to learn to deal with the fact that they couldn't count on their mother for much. Towards the end before my W left, they just stopped expecting her to do anything for or with them. They were less surprised by my W's leaving than I was in some ways.
I'm feeling very sad. Sad that my W is so intent on burning every last tie to me and throwing away every shred of the last 26 years. She has a new BFF. A college student that is interning at her work. Again, someone 25 years younger than her, the age she so longs to go back to. She knows that I am trying hard to get my new life going and am so very close. She knows that by pushing now she is making that much harder but doesn't care. Even now, she is trying to hurt me, piling on more pressure. I think she doesn't like that I am so close still to the girls. She reacted badly hearing that D19 was coming to celebrate her sisters birthday this weekend. What she doesn't understand is if she made an effort like I do to be in her D19's life I'm sure D19 would want that. What bothers D19 most is that her mother just won't make the effort. When she told me she needed someone to give her a ride from where she lives so she could come for her sisters birthday, I went. Her mother refuses to do the same. Something as simple as taking the hour and 15 min's to go get her is too much for W to be bothered with. I just don't understand this! Why is that asking too much? I get to see how hurt this makes my D, how angry it makes her that her own mother can't be bothered. Why can't her mother see it as well? W told me that D doesn't hurt kids, it's how the parents behave during and after that is either hurtful or not. Well, so far my W seems intent on acting in ways that are hurtful and shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Just one more way to destroy the person that I loved, a person who, IMO and many others, was a much better one than who she has chosen to become. Like GGG, I'm starting to see just how long I have put up with bad behavior from my W. All the ways over the past years that she made things harder and acted poorly. It makes me sad and also makes me wonder why did I put up with it? I should have seen and made sure that she couldn't hurt me as badly as she did. Instead I just tried harder, made more and more effort at "making" her happy. That was such a huge mistake and I only have myself to blame.
