I really like this conversation and I see it referenced in other threads, so please know that your honesty is having an impact here, so it must be the same for your W. In fact, it's obvious from her answers.
I said before that I'm impressed but the truth is that I'm also envious. Those moments of openness and honesty are those we fear the most yet they are the ones that provide the greatest satisfaction. There's nothing I'd want more just now than to tell my W what I learned and where I failed her. Not all of us find the right time and channel to do so.
I like especially what you and GoatGal are saying about your W's standards. Perhaps she was more shaken than the average woman, but that's who you decided to marry so you had to live up to her standards. It's even more true now as you're not in a strong negotiating position. She's made clear that this is a deal breaker for her.
Many of us might think that we didn't deserve to be separated because we were not that bad, but the truth is that we were judged by a jury of one: our spouse. It doesn't matter if 99% of spouses would have gladly endured our shortcomings: we chose a specific person who came with their set of expectations and, if we want to be with that person, we have to meet them.
Thanks for the life lessons and good luck with this conversation. Remember though: no expectations.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
