Riding the rollercoaster

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, It's been a year for me too. W has finally moved back home but won't commit to reconciliation. That's fine. She needs time to heal. I'm busy working on my own demons anyway.

I think you're taking the wrong approach here. At any time in your life you are free to choose your thoughts and your feelings. But it takes practice - like working out. You need to thought-stop every time you start thinking negative thoughts about her.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER.

You can only control yourself - and even that is a challenge. But I believe you're up to it. You've got this far. That shows stamina and strength of character. Use those attributes of yours to focus your thoughts on the good things: she was nice for a few days.

When she gets bothered and grouchy, don't take it personally. She is the one having those feelings, not you. You need to detach enough so that her moods do not affect yours. When she's grouchy, you should choose to be calm and content. Observe her like a specimen - an experiment in human behaviour. But don't allow her moods or actions to get under your skin.

The more your can be like that, solid, content, PMA, focusing on the good even if it's just a sliver of good some days, what you focus on will grow - that's just the nature of the universe.

Don't worry about her phone. She may have ended her affair but may still be grieving the loss of that friendship. Allow her to grieve it. She needs to go through that process. It will take time.

Read Divorce Remedy again. Michelle does say, "it's only been a year - this is still hot off the press". She also says the path back to rebuilding is a zigzag. With that awareness, get to work on yourself, focusing on only the positive and controlling your feelings - be happy. It may seem counterintuitive, but you;ve been on this forum long enough to know that it's the counterintuitive things that bring results.

So be happy. Let that happiness be the light around you. You'll be surprised what gets attracted to the light.