I'm not suggesting that you engage in heavy talks with your W all day/night this week. Step back for a while and allow her to process her own emotions. I'm putting forward questions to GGG to get the ball rolling for your benefit as I think she'll be a valuable resource for you.
I don't know about WAW, but I'm a little mentally exhausted. I hope she's like me and needs at least a 24 hr break to process. I'm not initiating anything right now
The last thing I said to her, earlier this afternoon, was an explanation of why I have read and followed NMMNG, which she found on my counter one day this fall and remarked at the subtitle (How to Get What You Want in Love, Life and Sex). She's made jokes about it since then, how I'm trying to play the field now. It was lighthearted prior to this revelation. I figured if she remembered it now, it would deepen her doubts, but if I beat her to the punch, my explanation might seem more genuine. Here is what I said:
Quote:
Also, in case you're wondering about that No More Mr Nice Guy book, I got that without any thought of sex. It was recommended to me by people from my support group when they learned about some of my tendencies (people pleaser [especially women, like {name of my minor EA partner from 2 years ago}...playing piano for them, etc], conflict avoidance ... those behaviors led to resentment, passive aggressiveness, distance, etc). I was just as surprised as you when I read the subtitle of the book (how to get what you want in love, life and sex). It is not a pick-up book, or anything. It's about being a man. I basically went the opposite of my dad when he was drunk...aggressive, loud, didn't care about others' feelings. That is a big thing that shaped me. It doesn't mean I'm trying to become a jerk, but there are times when I should be more assertive, and especially more open and honest. If I had been, we may have talked about this a long time ago.
Her response was "Maybe". Not sure if that means maybe we would have talked about it, or doubting that I didn't get it to hook up with women. I didn't ask.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
