KGirl - one year later

[KGirl]

Yes. You all are right. Time to let go. Do I still sense there's a connection there - definitely. But can he give me what I need in a relationship at this point - nope, unless there's a Christmas miracle (don't worry, not holding out hope for that). I think the escalation of commitment theory is hitting me big time: the more time we invest on something, the more we want to justify or keep working to make that thing work, even though if we stopped and looked at it only going forward (ignoring the time we already spent) it may not be the right decision or thing to do. While I'm relatively young, this is an 11+ year relationship. I know of some people that dated for a year or two, spent a year engaged, married for a year or two, then divorced... it just seems so short it's like it doesn't count. I need to do a better job of cutting my attachment to the time so far, and looking at what's happening today, and it's not good.

You all are also right that it will be very hard to trust him if he continues to feel and express that he's missing out on things. I think this is at the heart of why he felt like he was always "guilty until proven innocent" and why I was "too jealous" (his words). I don't think my feelings were unreasonable, but a fairly normal reaction to all of the doubt and questions he created. I found out about the chump lady website (and now I know what Maybell means by the pick-me dance!) and that kind of gave me a kick in the butt. He has shown zero interest in our relationship or making any changes. He still can't understand why I felt the way I felt in the past - he portrays a lot of entitlement ("I'm allowed to be attracted to people, it just happens" "Guys get to go to strip clubs" etc.) I'd be willing to move on "from this day forward" and not dwell on all that past stuff but he hasn't demonstrated any interest in acting differently, because he doesn't think he should have to.