Card29 VII

[Card29]

Thank you for your thoughts on depression. I'm so glad to hear you were able to work through it. I didn't know anything about depression before I met her. When she first told me about her depression, when we were first dating, I said, "Yeah I feel sad sometimes, too." I totally didn't get it. I regret that I didn't try to learn more about depression pre-BD, but from what I've learned, it seems there isn't a whole lot I can do for her in that regard, anyway.

I know you arent her, but, do you have any idea why she met any failure or limitation of yours with anger or judgment?

I'll never know for sure unless we piece and possibly reconcile, but here are a few of my thoughts:

- Her depression. It was hard for her to be joyful or loving. As we've discussed, a portion of that behavior can be attributed to the lack of intimacy due to my faults, as well.

- I was her only "safe" outlet of frustrations. She is an extremely professional employee and would never go off at work. She is distant from most of her family. She only had a couple of close friends throughout the last 10 years. I did not stand up to borderline verbal abuse, so it was a "safe" outlet. Of course that only explains why she took it out on me, not why she needed to take it out on anyone to begin with.

- Just like me, she did not learn good marriage and/or communication skills during her childhood. Her parents grew distant, then her dad had an affair and left the family. Parents fought like cats and dogs, or at least her mom was very hostile towards her dad.