I know you arent her, but, do you have any idea why she met any failure or limitation of yours with anger or judgment?
I apologize. I did not know your w suffers from depression. I am sorry she does.
I suffered from depression for many years until I finally found what I needed in order to feel better. It took a lot of hard work, perserverance and trial and error with different meds and finding the right therapist.
Depression feels like you are swimming in mud with 300 pounds of weight on your back and no shore in sight. Some days just getting out of bed takes enormous effort. You know something is wrong, yet, you dont know exactly what that is. You feel unworthy and less than and cant understand why the feelings wont go away.
Sometimes you feel as if you would do anything to get the pain to stop.
When all this happened with my xh, I was very, very small. I went into my therapist's office and squeezed into the corner of the couch. I proceeded to tell her it was all my fault. I was a horrible wife and he was right to want to leave me. I felt so badly about myself.
Now, that wasnt true, but, its how I saw things at the time.
Depression comes out in different ways with different people. Sometimes it is anger, sometimes it is frustration, sometimes you cry all the time or become apathetic.
It isnt something that you can snap out of. It is very real, very debilitating and life changing.
I do hope she finds the right help. She has a long road ahead of her.
If she asks again about being a good wife and you feel you have to answer. "You were a great wife. We both could have handled some things better." Because there isnt ever going to be answer that is enough for her. If you go on about how good she was, she is thinking...not good enough that he didnt look at porn. If you say what things were wrong with her..you feed into her feelings of being unworthy. It just isnt a good convo to have now.
I know you want to fix it for her, but, you cant. This is something she needs to work through in order to come out the other side.
