Thanks guys, So, called my lawyer. I got his message last night after work, called back at lunch today and they say "Can you come in at 2:00 today"? I can't. I have to be 52 miles away for a meeting that may allow me to (finally) make some money. She gets upset saying my lawyer is going on vacation starting tomorrow and then asks "When did I call, a couple days ago?". No, she called YESTERDAY and I got back the next day. She is trying to say I was ignoring her call! I mean a couple days ago would be Saturday, I doubt that she would have called on a weekend. She gets huffy and says she will need to talk to my lawyer and call back. This is such a pain. I feel like my lawyer is more concerned with doing what my W's lawyer wants then what I want. Maybe if they weren't so concerned with trying to drop me and had set up a meeting before his vacation instead, we wouldn't be here now. My cell is only working when it's plugged in to a power source so I can't call back right away as I have to get the message first. This seems to really bug my lawyers office. I hate that I have to deal with this, my D14's birthday is today as well. My D19 is having problems with her boyfriend and wants my help getting to work as well. Added to all the other stuff that you already know I'm dealing with and I may just explode.
This is my life now solely because of my W and her MLC. I need to get my life in order. I need to stop this madness. That has to come first because I can't live this way. 15 years of working and doing better and better each year . If my W had left before I started this new business I wouldn't be in this position. No, she waited until I needed her the way she had counted on me for so long. Until I actually thought I could trust her.
I have to get past this point. I am close IF I can get this testing done. I am starting to feel like the universe is against me, like I'm being punished for something I didn't do. What I did do was trust my W totally. I trusted that she was honest when she said we would always be together, that she would back me, that we were in this life together. It was this total trust in her that has gotten me to this point. It is a lesson. A lesson about the nature of people in general and how it is one needs to live their life. I understand now that my biggest mistake was trusting anyone as totally as I did my W. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be as exposed as I was. I should have made certain that if something happened I would be at least somewhat protected but I didn't. I will never trust anyone totally again as long as I live. If I couldn't trust the person I devoted myself to, that I raised a family with, that went through good times and bad together for over 25 years, how can I ever trust another soul?
It's still hard for me to be selfish. I still tend to think of others first, including my W. When she asks for something from me I still provide it (the latest being some things from our home that were given to us and she wanted because she was having a X-mass party for her workmates). I still go out of my way for my daughters (something I will keep doing until my dying day. I won't let my W's actions change that). I still tend to be overly loyal to those I work for and with...but I am making progress. Still, it makes me somewhat sad. Sad to think that we are all at least somewhat alone in this life. That you can't trust anyone totally no matter how long you have been together or what they have promised or what words they have said. From now on I will only trust family, real family by blood. This is the gift my W has given me. She has shown me that total trust is for the foolish. I can only hope that she learns some lessons of her own. If not just for herself but for the sake of her daughters and their futures.
