Wife having affair with boss. We are seperated.

[adinva]

Hello! If you have been a certain way that was damaging to your relationship, unattractive, lazy, or is just something about yourself that this situation opened your eyes to and you'd like to change... those are 180's. They're doing the exact opposite of the unattractive, needy, or weak habits your W expects. That is surprising and creates uncertainty in her, but it is really for you to start improving yourself, for you, for your own life.

So if you have been thoughtless, offering to keep D while your W isn't feeling well, is thoughtful and a good 180.

I don't know if cancelling or not cancelling the counseling appointment qualifies as a 180 of any kind, unless you have a habit of pushing your agenda and not listening to her, and dropping the appointment is a way of acknowledging that she's not ready for marriage counseling, THEN I think it's a 180, I guess. The general consensus around here is when your spouse isn't fully committed to working on your marriage, marriage counseling is a bad idea. It's you pushing your agenda, ignoring what she may want, solidifies in her mind all the reasons she wants to leave, and gives her yet another opportunity to explain them to you. How she feels is how she feels, so if MC causes her to feel shamed and guilty, it's not getting you anywhere no matter whether you feel she's being shamed or not. It's her feeling that is real to her.

One thing you said in your opening post was you know it will take a long time. You are right; be patient. Work on your part of what she's been unhappy in the marriage for, for you, so you're a better partner after this. Show with actions, consistently over time, and she'll believe...words are cheap.

You've been doing well following the rules and not pursuing her. Keep posting and you'll get more help from wiser heads than mine...