Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[Mozza]

I see better where your pessimism comes from. First, your W is very mean to you and piles up the reasons why you shouldn't be together. It's hard to imagine her warming up even though that's how it worked for most of the successful sitches. Second, you see successful affairs around you. It's a reality, acknowledged around here, that there are no guarantees.

Still, I see duplicate 'steps' in your arc. Believing your changes and that you won't be punitive are the same thing. Also, OM doesn't have to "screw up", just not to live up to the high expectations your W puts in him. You seem to seek ways to paint a bleak picture.

I wonder why you make the case like this; if it's to be convinced otherwise. I know I do it with my parents for instance and my mom picks me up, explaining why everything will be good in the end.

I'll tell you what I tell others: you don't have to decide today. The human brain is very uncomfortable with uncertainty to the point of being illogical ("I'd rather be told I have cancer now than wait another week for a diagnosis!"). If you manage to accept it, it will make you stronger. I have optimistic and pessimistic moments too. I keep my options open. In fact, I see that more than my WAW, it's me who's evolving fast.