Little but FIERCE (Little's Thread #4)

[Little]

I'm working toward detaching and dropping the rope.

Recounting some of the things going on in my head since this Facebook reveal thing, which may be repeats:

- I don't want to R with anyone who lacks honesty and integrity.

- I don't want to R with anyone who lacks self-awareness and the ability to see where others are coming from in order to compromise and resolve issues. Throwing an R away because that's uncomfortable for you, and so you default to the first bit is not okay with me.

Through our R, I did a lot of bending over backward to meet BF's expectations, where things were closed issues for him if we disagreed. He felt one way, I felt another, and so the discussion about it was pointless; it was going to be his way.

For instance, buying a house. He wanted to buy a fixer-upper but neither one of us had any savings; where was the money to fixer up going to come from? I wasn't comfortable making that leap when we were living paycheck to paycheck.

Instead of seeing where I was coming from, discussing it like adults, making a compromise and coming up with goals, he told me my unwillingness to get a loan and go into it with him was "effed up" and I was holding him back. And now he's rushing into it with OW, when he waits to pay bills until he gets shut off notices.

I can do so much better than this. It stings that BF doesn't want to be a better person and didn't love me enough to want to R with me. That said, even though our core issues were shared 50/50, only one of us was willing to do what it took to respect and adore the other one.

Plus, I KNEW that BF cheated on his last ex and left her for someone else; I saw the kind of person he is and foolishly didn't believe him.