Actually I thought your response to BNB was very candid and believe it or not...WE would always rather hear the truth (though sometimes hard to bear)then to be placated with false hope or distorted reality.
So no, your response to her was not harsh, it was helpful to many of us. T2
Quote: Was I too harsh with BnB? I wasn't trying to be, but I suspect it came across that way.
No, you put a very harsh truth into a thoughtful, insightful and caring post. It is not your fault that her H feels as he feels. That is the hard part for her. I liked your post: you phrased those concepts much better than I could.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Thanks. I was hoping my post would help her get back into a DBing mindset. It sounds like she has good things going on, but is focusing on the negatives.
CHL, Right on target! There are good things there, and thats why we are here supporting each other. Somtimes we can't see the trees for the forest and it takes someone else to point it out to us.
I think it was a good post that you gave to BNB! Good job!
I don't think you were harsh either. You pointed out the positives that were hard for her to see through her pain, and I just emphasized that on her thread.
Question for you guys... Do you think the joint thread that P and I have been using, "Clear to Send", hasn't been useful? Her comments was that it was going nowhere, so she's going to stop posting again. I realize I haven't been posting a whole lot lately, especially about my thoughts and feelings, but I didn't think the thread was a waste.
Again, it seems like everytime I try to do something nice for P, she spirals downhill within a few days. I realize this isn't easy for her, but it does feel like it's her way of demanding attention again.
Quote: Question for you guys... Do you think the joint thread that P and I have been using, "Clear to Send", hasn't been useful? Her comments was that it was going nowhere, so she's going to stop posting again. I realize I haven't been posting a whole lot lately, especially about my thoughts and feelings, but I didn't think the thread was a waste.
I think the thread has been very useful. You guys had a chance to articulate the reasoning behind some miscommunications, etc.
I think that Pam's statement that it hasn't been useful was her dipping back into "all or nothing thinking" (which, in fact, she has been doing a terrific job of working on and not lapsing into). I think that she felt that you guys were working on solving some communication problems so she tested the waters with her question re. your face2face interaction of the other night. I suspect that your one word answer made her feel as though you guys hadn't made any progress after all...
not saying your answer was right, wrong or indifferent...I'm just surmising what Pam must have thought. Also...as long as I'm on an ASSuming roll...I suspect that your positive and playful exchange on my thread yesterday may have made her feel closer to you and that she felt cold water on her after your exchange on your joint thread.
Quote:
Again, it seems like everytime I try to do something nice for P, she spirals downhill within a few days. I realize this isn't easy for her, but it does feel like it's her way of demanding attention again.
Still dangling out on the limb with my ASSumptions but here goes...
I personally think that Pam is hoping that some nice gesture on your part will build upon itself and lead to some event or disclosure that stops the D train.
When those nice things happen I think that Pam allows herself to think that maybe things are turning around and then she pulls back in a panic.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
When I spoke with P Friday evening, she seemed to have decided that the sick dog, Jonah, was doing okay, and that she wasn't going to have him put down for several days or more, unless things got much worse.
I wasn't feeling too great at work Saturday morning, so I headed home and tried to rest. I'd turned my cell phone off when I put it on the charger, but checked it every couple of hours. I never had any e-mails or voice mails.
My sister's BF was screwing with the phone lines Saturday and Sunday because he's trying to get DSL installed there for one of the PCs. I wasn't able to get connected to the internet until I unplugged his stuff last night.
I got an e-mail from her indicating she was having vet over Saturday. She never sent an e-mail saying she hadn't had him put down, so I assumed she had. (Bad of me to assume, but that was the tone of the e-mail.) I sent a brief reply to her e-mail.
Around 3AM, P called on my cell phone, and let it ring once. I hadn't been sleeping well, and it was just enough to wake me up.
So.... Opinions.... Is this just stress on her part, or is it her way of seeking revenge again?
