mlc rut

[pbetra]

Hi there,

it's been awhile I know. I had hoped to drop in, wish everyone a happy thanksgiving but it didn't work out (at least I made it before Christmas right?

Been a little tired & sick (?!) on/off - energy has plummeted!

Things appear to be getting a bit better since my last posts, but I am hesitant to believe this. Maybe it is 'self-preservation.' However, I wish to observe h when his job prospects do materialize. At this time, it seems so.

As recent as early September, there was disconnection. We had a R talk (not intended) & it seemed that he wanted to talk, but may not have known how to initiate. We both vent - & then he left! Said he had to leave to do a few things. I heard the familiar reversing sound of vehicle & thought it was over. Hours later, he returned & came to my room to inform me of his return - politely I might add . This was the first time since March that we spoke about anything 'R.'

After that he tried to reach out - chatting, light touches and I reciprocated. Things seem better, but then again, it's 'famine' for him on many levels. The test is 'feast' - when $$ comes & there is independence, will h continue with his 'initial quest' since the opportunity would be there (re financial)? Only then would I know if any of this is real. There is still so much rage - 'road, other people etc' ... so I continue to wait. Another few months would make it year (!) since this experience began.

I hope that you all have a meaningful Holiday Season - until next time, take care, p.