Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[Zues126]

I'm not blaming you for not being further, just trying to help you flesh out a point it might be nice to reach.

Basically, it's detachment. Reaching a point at which her swigs don't rattle you. She acted a bit crazy. In turn, you feel the need to vent about it or just share it with someone so they can say "you're right, she is acting a bit crazy at times, wow you're dealing with a lot, tough to handle man!" At least that's the support I was looking for when my STBX did stuff like that.

Now it doesn't get to me. I expect it. I get that it has nothing to do with the me I am now. It has to do with who she is, the emotions she's processing, etc. yes, I made mistakes in the M and am working on being a better person. But her actions are hers alone. So I guess I don't feel any differently then when my D4 throws a fit. That's what 4 year olds do when they're upset. And that's what WAW's do. I'm not going to let a 4 year old emotionally engage me every time she gets upset about something. That would be hard on me and would just encourage and reward that behavior. Instead, I just do what Wonka says and tune that out. I find the reasonable nugget inside her rant and just respond to that calmly and move on.

So two parts. One- Stop being surprised, outraged, righteous, or anything about her actions. And two- Maybe try my 'translator'. In other words, before responding, ask yourself what you would say if she had made her request in a more neighborly and reasonable way. Like if she said "sorry to bother you, I know this isn't what we had discussed and don't want to make a habit of messing with our schedules with S, but I miss him and was wondering if..." How would you respond to that? Just respond the same way. Then you'll know that you're my allowing her to engage you more than you want her to emotionally, and you can respond like the person you want to be. Neither a punisher nor a pushover.