I'm not on the bb much any more, but I am keeping up with you and Pam.
I'm really hoping you guys get through this with minimal craziness. Is there a reason you can't go through your stuff while she's at the house?
Even if you ask that she stay in another part of the house?
I must tell you that after I found out that CJ had been having his secret A (and the one before that) and was planning to leave me, the first thing I did was go to the bank and change our joint savings account into my own personal account.
I just didn't know what CJ was capable of at that time and felt a real need to protect myself.
Is there a third person who could go with you to serve as a buffer? Or a friend/family member of Pam's who could be there for her at that time (she'd be less likely to "go off on you" this way, no?
Then again, I suppose you'll have to wait for the settlement to be settled.
Quote: I'm really hoping you guys get through this with minimal craziness. Is there a reason you can't go through your stuff while she's at the house?
I've done a little of that, but not much. It seemed like doing that caused her a lot of tension. I'm guessing it's because it made the D more "real". The few times I've done that, we ended up argueing.
Quote: I just didn't know what CJ was capable of at that time and felt a real need to protect myself.
Understandable.
Quote: Is there a third person who could go with you to serve as a buffer? Or a friend/family member of Pam's who could be there for her at that time (she'd be less likely to "go off on you" this way, no?
Maybe. I'll have to think about that. I can't think of any of her family or friends who would even want to see me right now. I'm going to keep this in mind though because it may be a solution.
Quote: Then again, I suppose you'll have to wait for the settlement to be settled.
Actually, my understanding is that I'm allowed to enter the house any time I want, as long as it's not done in a manner which threatens her. I believe I'm allowed to call a locksmith to gain entry, or even "break into" it. I don't believe it's considered any form of illegal entry because it is still my house also. I'd be allowed to remove, at minimum, my pre-marital belongings.
Obviously, I don't wish to do that. It would just increase the tension and anger between P and I. I also don't feel it would be respecting her space. A divorce is difficult enough without it getting ugly, so there's no need to try making it ugly.
I haven't been on the BB too much, but last I'd read of your thread, it sounded like you were on track for working things out. If anyone deserves to have things work out, it's you. (((((Shiny)))))
(I would have added more parenthesis, but I didn't want to start a BB rumor mill about an EA!) LOL
Quote: Actually, the main tension with CJ and I of late has centred around his jealousy over attentions paid to me by other men!
That doesn't surprise me. He's seen how easy it can be to follow a wrong path. If he has re-committed to the R, he's going to be very sensitive to these things for a while to look for "warning signs".
Quote: But yes, overall things are quite good in shinyville, even if this winter seems to never want to end.
You're off work!! Does this mean you get to actually sleep in if you stay up late? Lucky SOB!
Oh well, it's just one more day on 5 hours of sleep and then a whole weekend to catch up.
The jealousy thing, actually, CHL, has been ongoing for YEARS. It was very bad about 9 years ago and then seemed to get better.
...yeah, right around the time he probably turned from loving me to not caring...
Some degree of jealousy is probably a good thing...it shows you value an R and don't want it threatened.
What bothers me most is that CJ takes the anger out on ME, when I'm not really doing anything. I can't help it if I'm, um, "built". witty and charming.
I can't really control a pal giving me a compliment on what I'm wearing (no, not cut to the navel, I'm talking t-shirts or tanks here). I can't stop a young student from having a wee crush on me and stammering when I introduced him to CJ.
Perhaps what gets me most of all, is that in general CJ is NOT flirtateous with me, doesn't compliment me, call me sexy, nor really display any real physical attraction to me. And yet he can't stand for anyone else to do so.
Wanted to thank you so much for the online hug last night. I know it sounds silly, but it really helped. You wouldn't believe the impact it had.
Cal,
I just happened to hop online after eating lunch, and read your post on the "Staying on the BB!" thread. You said some things I was trying to figure out how to say without it sounding like sour grapes. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to reply on that thread.
witty and charming.