Busting this Divorce - Moving Out

[HPoirot]

Thank you Vapo, Wonka, Starsky, and Sandi. I really don't want to mind read my W over these months away from her. I see even more now why GALing and detachment is important. Just a simple mystery text from her this morning and I still get angry and hopeful all at once. I remember those times she dangled false R hopes in front of me to get my cooperation. I don't want to dislike her but it's hard when I'm not detached and she keeps talking to me like we're buddies after the way she's behaved.

You're right Vapo in that I do often feel like I'm being a dick to my W but this woman has said and done some horrible things to me and my S11. I need to be firm on the space I'm making away from her for my sake and self-respect. You have to remember... she expected me to just go along with her plan like a good H for months while she enjoyed her fantasy life under my nose. If I have to look like a dick and see her cry when she actively tries to manipulate or disrespect me, I'm good with that. When she's not acting like that... then she gets the good neighbor from me. You have to teach people how to treat you.

That letting her experience her reality in this I see is important. Part of me did want to call her this morning. That part expected her to say how terrible she's feeling about all this so I could reassure her. Even before her BD, she would call me crying emotionally about what she was feeling when she felt sad or anxious. Then she would text "Sorry" later for getting emotional. I wish I had listened to her more then. I do want to listen to her now. It's hard ignoring all her communications when her problem with me is I don't emotionally connect with her. But she won't start moving my way unless she really understands she's losing me and my friendship and my support. And I will continue to hurt over her and her actions unless I can really cut the rope and then burn it.

This was just the first morning and I have 88 days of NC to go. I don't want to spend all that time dealing with her drama. She has to understand now that I am going and gone. She knows she has to do if she really wants to talk.

And thank you for the credit advice Wonka and Starsky. I will look at the myfico forum. I would prefer someone to just do it all for me at this point. I'm again tired today but I will get better at getting things done.

On another note... by appetite came back. I ate a lot of mostly junk food and juice and soda dad left in kitchen. Most I've eaten in weeks. I'll get back to heathy immediately.