Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

OK so i think my mood today is that im starting to believe the timeline for this (if there is to be any reconcilliation) and i'm rallying against that and the associated powerlessness.

I'm realising my W's newly rejuvinated relationship with OM1 is likely to be long term and i'm doubting my ability to stand for that long, or how i will know when to call it quits

I fear that i will waste more of my life on a futile effort, even though i know many of the changes are about improving me.

I fear that i will never meet anyone who can hold a candle to my wife and that even if i did they wouldnt want me.

I fear that i will be replaced in my kids minds as daddy (SIL encourages this with her son by her XH and her new husband)

I also realise that my W and I had reduced to a good coparenting relationship but there was next to no love shown between us, we had withdrawn from each other far too far. The only pursuit was weird control and pressure on my part even though i thought i was giving space, and this has been the way of things for 3 years. So i fear that there is no chance my W would ever want to come back regardless of what changes i make or how miserable she gets

And finally i fear that actually she is much happier without me, and that i truly was never good enough for her. her reaction, her new found interest in life and the fact she left me for another man all suggest thats true

all in all i'm on quite the pity party today. Sorry