New England Newcomer

[mahhhty]

I'm fairly certain I backslide today. We are still unable to come to common ground in regards to child support.

She made a counter offer a week ago. I countered today, and she disagrees. I'm afraid its going to go to lawyers and then to court. She is living in a world where she believes I am responsible to pay for her lively hood. We have both made counter offers, which I guess is a start. It was interesting at one point, she started to break down and tell me that she only has $300 in savings. I responded saying I don't have money to close on the house refinance, also I have borrowed money from my sister and parents. She cut me off and basically said "Don't tell me that, I don't care." Or at least that's how I took it.

I need to get better at interacting with her one on one. From what I can see, she is classic WAS, and is now hitting rock bottom. She saw a doctor because of hives last week, which he said was due to stress. She looks for me to solve her problems but in the way that she wants.

In backsliding, I think I:
- talked about the future, and the need for us to communicate for our children
- I analyzed her thinking, and tried to identify why it was wrong
- I wrote the following in an email. I am sure this is bad and shouldn't have been said. "Divorce is not the solution to anyone's problems. We as individuals and as a coparents will always have issues until we address them. Divorce takes a couple with communication issues and burdens them with the most emotional decisions of their life, which makes it exponentially harder to communicate. Especially, if you’ve been communicating poorly in the past. You are latched to me, whether you like it or not for the rest of your life. I can tell in your emails and phone calls that you despise me, and that hurts. You have notions of me as a person, father, a husband. Resentment is in me to. But we have got to start communicating for our kids."

I need to get better one on one. I have to stop trying to convince her that I am right. I have to come to terms that I am not always right. And I have to accept that at the end of the day its not about being right or wrong, but our perceptions of what is.