Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

OK that hasnt helped my negative thinking at all so now i'm venting

I keep on about all of this stuff but the core of it all is that neither of us were doing anywhere near enough to sustain our marriage and blamed the other one. My insecurities, her 'depression', my failure on some big events, her anxieties etc. etc. its all factors but none of it was insurmountable if we had just worked together and had some fun.

we both got bored but where as I was 'waiting it out' and thinking about how to make it better in the future (rather than making it better now) she decided to get her happiness elsewhere.

I cant actually see the route by which she decides to build a new marriage with me.

The only possibility would be that she gets so miserable that she sees no alternative but i just dont see that happening with the extra guilt free freedom she now gets because i have the kids half the week.

either way its not going to happen while she pursues a relationship with OM1 and there is basicaly nothing i can do about that. And in all likelihood he is a decent and smart guy and so why wouldnt he make a good partner for my wife. And the whole time im standing for my M, my W will barely give me another thought (and the only ones at the moment are negative)

I was near OM1s office today (legitimate business) and found myself wondering if there was anything i could do/say to make him back away from my W. decided there was probably nothing sensible without it reflecting far worse on me.

I'm working on me and slowly but surely im making me a better version of myself. I doing better at connecting with people and much much better at just being ok with little things that dont really matter. I'm getting a much better understanding of where a lot of my inner nonsense comes from and with the right help i know i can reduce that down.

I also have a much MUCH better understanding of how i should have been in our M and how to be the kind of partner my W wanted and deserved. The problem is that i cant do this second part unless my wife is willing to give me the chance and no matter how good I become I cant see why she would.

This royally blows.