Good to hear from you, buddy, and Merry Christmas!
For advice that's better and more thorough than I have time to give you at the moment, I'd refer to theoden's EXCEPTIONAL advice given to Shodan recently on his threads on the Infidelity forum here. There are some CRITICAL things that nearly all successful reconciliations have in common, and there are some CRITICAL MISTAKES that happen in the ones that don't "stick."
fwiw, I don't think you're crazy for leaving your heart open to your wife and to your intact family. I do think your wife is far from ready, however, based on what you just posted. Your position right now should be "Hmmm, I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. I'm afraid it's not that easy anymore."
