Mindsin - Part 7 (Dark times)

[mindsin]

My W and I had some discussions over the weekend regarding what life will look like after D.

She is obviously dead set against it, and is in no way shape or form "on the fence".

My strategy (as discussed with my DB coach), is to simply make this process as friendly as possible. If D is a given, then it's in my best interest going forward to put as little pressure on her as possible. Do nothing to create animosity.

We sat and talked for a long time. We both recognized the mistakes of the past, not just from my end, but from hers as well. We said that we will always have a relationship with each other. Our relationship is not ending, it is simply evolving.

Last Friday, she had dinner with my brother. It was the 1st time she has seen him in 6 months (since the A). She told me that he is, and always will be, like a brother to her.


Regarding life after D -- The good thing is, my W and I agree on just about everything (sale of the home, distribution of marital assets, custody, etc), so there will be no lawyers involved here. We also said that regardless of how our living situations turn out, we will always be welcome in each other's homes. I know, kind of weird. It's like she wants to retain all of the good there is in our family life as much as possible after D, but can't take it to the next logical step of actually keeping the family intact. The pain I caused her runs deep, and all the reasons why we shouldn't be together get reinforced as long as she holds onto that pain.

She noted that she wants to take several items in the house with her. Some of these are very special things -- things that we bought together when we didn't have much money. Things that I bought her before my infidelity which have special meaning to her. She wants to hold onto those things.

I'm not sure what to really make of this situation as it stands right now. I feel like I'm just coming along for the ride on the D-train. In a lot of ways, I've been talking myself into D. Maybe it's a psychological reaction to the present circumstances -- a defensive mechanism to save me from further pain. I don't know. I've asked myself what I would do, if my ideal woman came into my life right now and said she wanted to be with me. Would I welcome her advances? Would I quickly move towards D myself, in order to be with this other woman? Sadly, I can't answer that question very easily right now. But I think the answer to that question may answer whether or not D is the right choice for both of us.