It is up to you as to what you really want. I suspect that you desire a R with W. Understandable.
First things first. It is very important that you not allow W back in too easy. She needs to work hard at it and earn your trust.
Your W has her own process and so do you. It is important that you honor them.
Yes, it is good to behave like a friendly neighbor until you feel W has her both feet in the R/M. As Starsky reported here, it took him a good 3 to 6 months for the complete withdrawal from XOM and 2 years for the M to gel. It is not an overnight process, Tar.
You might want to take a look at Sho's thread over in Infidelity as there are some parallels between your sitches.
