You didn't think I was gone for good, did you?! Ha ha...
Update since Thanksgiving...Finally got W to respond to my email regarding half of the dissolution cost. What started out as an email conversation about legal matters slowly turned into W saying how much she missed me and how much pain she was in. How her feelings for me had changed, specifically in these past 3 mos as she had done a lot of reading, soul searching and reflecting on why she is who she is. That everytime she had thought about coming to me about seeing if we could work things out, we'd get into an argument or I'd make her feel worse about herself.
At some point in the email exchange, we agreed to meet in person since we weren't getting much accomplished through email. We ran into each other a few times over the past few weeks and she was friendly towards me, although she kept postponing our talk for various reasons (sick, too busy, etc).
So we finally agreed to meet last night for dinner to discuss Christmas and to talk about us. Some take aways... *She's been looking inside herself recently and starting to see things in me that she misses. *She was somewhat open about OM and how things ended (she realized she needed to be on her own) *She enjoys having her own place and being able to have the kids stay over. 4 mos left on her lease. *She asked about when I was going to church Christmas Eve (I assume she'll want to go with the kids and I) and asked about staying the night for Christmas morning. Told her I didn't know how I felt about that- although it might be best for the kids, I didn't want to confuse them with why she was staying at the house. *Past instances of infidelity- W gave some details and admitted she was way too drunk both times, but a kiss was all that happened both times. As much as I'd like to believe her, I have about 0% trust in her right now, so I don't know. She also admitted to 1 other time about a yr after we married. She never told me about any of these instances as she thought the best way to deal with them was to learn about what caused them and take steps to correct it. *On the above note, she has given up (or at least limited) her drinking.
I do get the sense that she's 'coming around', for a lack of a better word. I'm not sure if it's living on her own, the fact that I was ready to move forward with D or a combination of everything, but it does appear that she's finally coming out of 'la la' land and making some decisions to better herself.
So the question is- Am I still open to R? Would I still be considering it if I wasn't?? Am I a pushover for even considering a R with her?? Maybe those are rhetorical questions.
I realize that with all the questions I may have, I will never get an answer from W that will make me 'happy' or that I will agree with. Our conversation was positive in that we both were able to speak our peace without getting into a fight. It got heated a few times, but we both understood that we weren't always going to agree on things, so moved past it. I think if there is any type of R for us in the future, that was 1 of many conversations that needed to take place. I need to do a better job of just being friendly with her, to see where things lead. I did get the sense that she'd like to start hanging out with me, but I'll let her extend the invites. I need to do a lot of thinking...
