Inside my chrysalis 9

[Calibri]

HE thought yes, I thought no.

I agree with you. (Not that rando person over the internets agreement matters, but you know.....)

He thanked me for putting in the effort of filling it out in the first place, understood where I might have been coming from even though he disagreed. He then said, "its hard because that was triggering a lot of things for me, you know? It's like a 'Nam vet hearing bombs go off, you know?"

Seriously? Seriously!?!

Dramatic much? That was hard to let go and not touch but I did.

I applaud you for this. I would've lost my [censored]. I think that shows great growth.

And then half jokingly said, "and I'm sure you hate me and are super resentful but you can take your resentment and fester in it later".

Wow. That's a very telling statement right there. Did you reply back?

I hate the things that were the same. Hate them.

I think H acted the same. I think you kept your cool and showed tremendous growth and restraint.

A separation, an undiagnosed troublesome child with SEVERE behavior problems, the holidays, erratic schedules, 18 years of pain, no support from friends (abandoned much?)..

I remember reading about your friends and (if I remember correctly) that you felt isolated or not important to them with your sitch? How's that situation going?

In that moment when H and I were arguing I felt unafraid. I didn't shut my mouth and cow-tow to his wishes because I was afraid THIS would be the deciding factor on whether he would want to work on our marriage.

Good. Continue to find your voice you cannot be afraid to speak and be yourself. (Please remind me of this for myself - I'm facing this as well.)

My heart hurts though. It hurts because I can see in H's eyes that he sees no change. I can see that he still sees himself as this beaten down war veteran with napalm memories. Really?

Do you think he truly sees no changes? Or could he be feeling it out to see if they're sticking? Old habits die hard. While he may or may not see changes within you, it's appears to me there are no changes with him.

His self-victimization is starting to make me not like him as as person.

Gave you read about the persecutor, rescuer, victim triangle? I've been reading about it a lot. And an interesting thing I've come across in the literature is the theory that some people are unwilling to hop off the victim roles that launch themselves into, because of a variety of things: familiarity, satisfaction, etc.

There are no purple hearts for a bad marriage. [quote=Ss06]

No, there isn't. And I wish you could say that to him.


I think you did smashing in the face of what sounds like a very trying day. I understand how disappointed you might feel. I wish I had something to say that would make it better. But the changes you've made, they're making you a better person and in the end, that's the best.

Thinking of you lots with the holidays and your d. We may have to bat signal via the land of Facebook.