Inside my chrysalis 9

[Lorelai]

I hear ya, SS! Mine has a flair for the dramatic as well. You're a lot further along than I am. Right now we can't even discuss the kids without him getting defensive and saying I'm taking a tone when it's just my normal voice. It's like, if my tone is so awful that it makes you want to run, maybe I shouldn't even go out in public because this is just me talking normally and based on the way you're acting, I must scare the whole world when I talk to people. Sorry for the hijack but so much of what you write resonates with me. Our son is still very little but he's in full-time state-paid preschool in an excellent program in our area that he got accepted to because of his behavior. He has so much trouble listening and wants to control everything and his teachers say he's extremely intelligent and way ahead of kids his age in terms of vocabulary and his imagination, but he's extremely strong-willed and that could affect him later academically. H of course makes this all about him and how he just hates that his son got accepted into a special program. Meanwhile I'm the one running around getting all the help we can so he can get as good a start as possible before kindergarten and realizing that this program is a good opportunity to help him grow and get the skills he needs and that this isn't about me and H, it's about our child and helping him in any way we can, which is our job as parents.
Sorry again for the hijack! Sounds like you did a great job with your D. Sometimes talking to kids and letting them know what to expect and giving them options like you did with the squeezing your hand works better than physical restraint or other forms of discipline.