New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

Thank you, Pink. There is a lot in what you wrote that I needed to hear. I do keep replaying the things I said and did to my W that I regret and wish I could take back. And she blamed me entirely for all the problems in the R when she left. But yes, she certainly made mistakes. And the way she left, w/o discussion, leaving behind my children (who called her "mom") w/o explanation, separating them from her children and her children from me. It was brutal and has me questioning her character and my judgment.

I'm going to ask my DB coach on Thursday about the stepchildren and how/if to reach out. I daydream a little each day about what I want to say to my SS.

But I'll give a quick GAL update. I'm having plumbing problems at the house (broken hot water line under the foundation - plumber coming Tuesday to fix - so haven't been able to do laundry or shower at home for 1.5 weeks. Kids and I took all the laundry to a laundromat yesterday afternoon and the kids helped sort, stuff laundry in the machines, etc. Then we walked around while the clothes were washing. Went to a thrift store and got a great jean jacket for my D. Did grocery shopping too. Then went home, ate dinner, watched a Christmas special on Netflix then tucked them in. I stayed up for a few hours folding laundry, eating cereal and mac&cheese (good single dad staples) and watching Sons of Anarchy. Finally a night w/o reading DB-type books and journaling. Felt darn good.

This morning went to church then took kids to buy some presents for some families in the community who are down on their luck and that the church is supporting. The kids really got into it and we talked a lot about gratitude. Then they had to be back at church to rehearse for the xmas play. Instead of going home during that time, I started talking with one of the other parents. We sat and talked for two hours and she opened up that she has actually gone through 3 divorces! She felt ashamed and stigmatized for a few years, but is past it. She said she appreciated me opening up and will be glad to know that there's another person at church who has gone through some stuff and knows the pain of S and D.

I then decided to call a few AA friends and ask if they would come to my house some evening this week and hold a meeting in my living room. I don't get an evening w/o kids very often and have only gotten out for meetings once in the past month! And i live on a small farm out in the country. But a handful of friends said they will come over tomorrow night (after kids are in bed) and bring a meeting to me. I'm really glad i thought to ask and am grateful to have friends who will do that for me.

Then, when i was tucking the kids in bed, they opened up to me a bit. S asked, "Dad, how many divorces are we going to have to go through?" And D piped in, "Yeah Dad, how many times are you going to get married?" I explained that i hope i don't get a D this time, that i am working to save this M. They opened up about missing the SS/SD, being sad about moving from this house, scared to start at a new school in January, etc. The whole talk felt very open, warm and intimate. They have been struggling with the S too, but don't talk about their feelings much. I also got a chance to apologize for being impatient with them this weekend, for letting my stress about the S come out around them.

At any rate, tough weekend emotionally, but some definite bright spots.