Even though I just made a big mistake of ending up in bed with H I think you respect yourself well.
You are much more then that and deserve much better then what he was offering you. You stood your ground and it a whole new definition of who you are now.
I may look very dark now, but I believe what Maybell said, that you are just 28 y old and have learned a lot more then what I am trying to grasp with almost 50.
Life gave you this opportunity to learn, grow emotionally and spiritually, you went up and down, you did many things in hope to same your M. Your merits are high and you will always fell proud of yourself for being who you are and even more for who you became.
My life took many different turns and I always needed to learn how to deal with each of them. Be patient with yourself, time is the only remedy for this kind of pain.
I have some friends that tough even about suicide, they tough life was over when they went through a D. But today, they say that they are better off. They found a lot of stuff inside themselves that otherwise they would never find.
Like many people say in this board, D is not the answer. You tried to do the hard work for your M, but your H wants to try life. In my opinion, these are the people that will try again and will fail again. They want the easy way out and they create these fantasy that it will be better with someone else.
Blaming you for his failures to fight for something so important as his M/R is just a sign of weaknesses and sooner or later he will learn that lesson. At that point you will be in a better life, in peace with yourself.
My H is doing just that. When things got difficult in his past, he blamed other people. At work, when things don't go his way then he blames everyone else. In our marriage he most blame my lack of affection. Even his R with his kids is not as good, they don't have much to talk about, then he blames that they are always busy with games and friends.
People that choose to blame others for their responsibility won't be happy, one day they need to face this gap on their personality.
You are doing good beautiful, give yourself a chance to cry, scream, bit the pillow, or even put a hammer on the wall. Let all your hurt out, eat a whole pot of ice cream, whatever makes this horrible feeling to get out of your chest and your brain.
Then wake up the next day and smell the coffee. Try to be upbeat, smile if you can, feel your freedom, dress well so you feel the power of being a new girl in the block.
We are all here for you, keep posting all your new adventures. You are a beautiful person and have a great future ahead.
