If your state allows no fault, then contested/joint filing really doesn't matter much. Joint filing can move faster, at least here the court schedules those first. Also here, contested has a 6 month waiting period from file date. That can buy some time while the gravity of the whole thing sets in on spouse.
I proposed collaborative D to W, to take open marriage off the table (I cannot live like that). She responded with contested D. It will be much more expensive; another thing out of my control. So, ya, I can say "She started it!", but that is of no solace. Also, I think that 95% of D's end up being presented to the court as "joint" once you come to a settlement (regardless of how they were originally filed), because *nobody* wants to leave things in the hands of the judge.
Something to check - in my state you don't have to be served by a court officer. Spouse (or L) can mail you (your L) the complaint, and you just have to notarize receipt and file it with the court. You save the fee/embarrassment of sending the sheriff out.
Originally Posted By: jim0987
depending on the difference in paperwork and $ it the 'contested' route might sit more comfortably because it puts all of the emphasis on him and at the same time means you can stand by your principle of not wanting D. you don't have to argue against it and can just accept it but at least then it is him divorcing you (which it is)
True, but as Jim says, what's that worth? You will always tell people that D was not what you wanted, regardless of the actual form/procedure.
Originally Posted By: KGirl
And really, at this point... how much do I really want to be married to someone who is moving forward with legally divorcing me?
I think this sometimes too. But you and I both know that we might feel differently if our spouse rounded the corner and were genuinely ready to do the work. In some aspects, I am glad the D clock is ticking. If she doesn't figure herself out in the next few months, I know I'm ready to move on. So it's less a question of whether I want to be married to her, I do; but I am equally prepared for either outcome and ready for the decision to be made.
