I do understand Pam not being happy about full posting of IM's. In the future, you might summarize what you think the conversations are about rather than verbatim posting. In her shoes, I would probably feel violated by that. On the other hand, I get the idea that you wouldn't be able to summarize because you don't understand what she is saying or read between the lines very well.
As for us "turning on her", I wish she had more faith in us, but that lack of trust is, unfortunately one of the lasting effects of feeling massively betrayed (by both you and the female "friends" involved in the sitch). She will probably be dealing with the reaction to the betrayal for a long time to come.
Me thinks you need an interpreter of Venus-speak, and some suggestions on how to speak enough of that language to be understood by her.
