Rebuilding myself

[CS000]

Well I have not done much work on moving forward with my life. To be honest I had contact with my XH and we started being in constant contact even while he was out of town for a while. I'm not justifying my actions or his but I do see that his is going through a MLC and dealing with his PTSD. I convinced myself that this reconnection was going to hopefully lead to a reconciliation but it's not. He's planning on moving out of the country some time within a year or so I was still expecting him to change his mind and no surprise that I was hurt. I know that it would take a miracle for us to reconcile after our divorce. Especially since he is so determined and has started working on immigration papers, buying a house over there and has told me that although he had thought of us being together at first, he wants to be away from everything and everyone and restart for himself and the place that reminds him of his PTSD. I know that I need to let go and live my life. I hope in time my love for him goes away and my pain. I am farther than I was in the beginning however so much more to go. I hate that I still grieve for my marriage. I suppose that all of this pain is magnified by the fact that my mom is terminal and I see how toxic and dysfunctional my family is...they say God never gives you more than you can handle but this year has been one hell of a year. I guess I'm just looking for answers